Years ago, someone did my astrological chart. I’m a Pisces. I knew that. The chart also told me that I’m a Capricorn Rising. So, while my head is in the Pisces clouds, my feet know how to plant themselves pretty firmly on the earth. And, boy, am I glad, because otherwise I’d really be a fish up a creek.
I don’t know how Jeneane manages to hang in there. I envy so much of her inner life, but these days, I’m glad I’m me and not her. I put in my time (as a single mother, even) for almost 30 years doing full-time work I mostly liked but sometimes hated, so now I can pay my bills as long as I’m not extravagant. I have a filing cabinet full of poetry — much of it written from some dark scary place — and don’t feel compelled to exorcise any more. So can blog when I feel like it and not when I don’t. And, while I still like to be liked, I really don’t care much if or what the Cluetrain guys think about me.
Most of my demons, having aged along with me, are too tired to plague me any more. So, I can deal with a mother — with whom I never got along that well — who needs me to help her through the rest of her days even though she’s never happy with what I do for her or how I do it. Except maybe my cooking, which I’m much better at than she ever was.
I wish I could share some of my stability with Jeneane. But I have a mother who needs some of it, and an offspring who still needs some of it, and I need to keep the rest for myself. It’s a wonder my feet aren’t bigger than they are! And I DO wish I could still get a glimpse of those clouds every once in a while.
I’ve concluded that everything in life is a trade-off. You can have everything, but not all at the same time. We all make our choices.