When I moved into my brother’s house, I got rid of a lot of my big old shabby furniture and bought a few shelf-based pieces that I could use for a variety of purposes and that are easy to move.. After all, I’m not going to live here forever. No, I’m not.
One of the pale oak bookshelves I bought now serves as a storage space for the seeds I plan to start soon and some small potting containers. Above it, between the sunny windows where it’s located, I have hung my one free-form crochet hanging and other objects I like to look at. The top shelf of the bookcase holds various icons that I find empowering. Some might call it an altar, although that’s not how I interpret it because I surely don’t pray at it. But I do, on occasion, stand it front of it and feell surrounded by a sense of peace.
I wanted to cover the storage areas of the shelves, and I didn’t want to put up a curtain. So, instead, using a size 11 knitting needle and Lily cotton yarn in the “Rainbow Delight” color, I knitted two panels and double crocheted the top edges so that I could weave a curtain rod through the openings. I used a plain garter stitch and knitted it lengthwise so that the rows go up and down instead of across.
All in all, I’m pretty happy with the result:
Several years ago, I blogged about the making of the freeform crochet item that I’ve hung over the bookshelf just above an icon of A Kwa Ba, the Ashanti primal goddess. I’d like to make another, different and larger freeform crochet wall hanging someday. I’ve been putting away various yarns in shades and textures of blue. (Hey, Andrea, maybe someday you can send me any scraps you have that you’ve spun – blues, grays, off whites will work.)
But for now, I have to content myself with knowing that if I managed to create one once, I can surely figure out how to do it again.
Kalilily Time
Just an old lady talking to herself
Kalilily,
Hello….I have been reading through so many of your articles…the one that got me started on your web site was the Sociopath one….
If you could help…I am in such pain…I would appreciate ANYTHING.
This is my story:
A year and half ago my husband and I became friends with an indiviual in our neighborhood. We were introduced to him by other mutual friends. At the time he was a divorced, struggling in a relationship type of guy. He became very involved in our circle of fun…going out on Fridays and socializing with all of the married couples of the neighborhood. He became close to my husband and I….I would listen to him talk about his relationship troubles,recent divorce,death of his father etc….It has always been in my nature to listen and care…..This individual started to come over regularly, called often to see what we were up to and sent me text messages on my phone several times a day. This became very flattering to me but I never thought any danger was involved.
One thing led to another and this individual and I started a relationship outside of my marriage. From the very beginning this was a very difficult thing for me to handle or comprehend. I was a married woman with two beautiful children, a caring husband….”why would I ever risk anything?”….This nice,stable,trusting life I have/had???…..
This man hooked into my every emotion that was never, ever met and he became a drug to me….I tried to end it time and time again but he would never let me go…so I would end our relationship only to cave in each time afte ending. He persued me relentlessly… no matter how much I was in turmoil or hurting/feeling guilt he didnt care. When I ended things….he could not let me go and he knew always after enough persuing, through email, phone calls,letters in my mailbox, letters on my car,drive bys, presents on my front porch…..whatever it took he knew I would cave and be back in his arms….I taught him this over the course of a year.
So to make this long story somewhat short…..I fell in love with this man..but knew he was not healthy or the right choice…he had a steady girlfriend the entire time he was pursuing me.
So in the end things were escalating and he was getting more and more physical/verbal after each ending…..we got into the rage/seduction/rage/seduction cycle…he would not let me go…because to him we were “soulmates”…he would schmooze me with everything I wanted to hear…..he wanted me to leave my family and come to him so I would be dependent on him and only him and lose everything I worked for. Lose my family whom I love.
Finally after one night of hell…when his girlfriend came knocking on my door , looking for him….yes, he was at my house….I had had enough and I wanted his girlfriend to know all that I was up against…..
Again to make a long story short……after one hellish night…..I knew the very next morning that I HAD to get a restraining order against this person.
SO I did…. and I have a year long restraining order against him..
I know I did the right thing…..he is a monster. But I am so sick…. because I still miss him, I think of him constantly and wonder how he is doing. He lives 3 blocks away from me…I see him driving all of the time…I see his friends who I used to be friends with all of this on a daily basis…I am living in hell…trying to recover and move forward only to be missing all of the emptiness he seemed to fill up in my soul. Holes that I never even knew were even there until I unfortunatley met him. Please give me some hope, some insight on how to see past this and know that what I did was the right thing….moving on with my family…. This is not easy……my family does not understand the pain and loneliness I feel…even though I truly dont want to back to the monster…I miss it all so much and wonder when will I ever get over such a thing…..
Thank you…
Um…I don’t mean to sound glib or in any way unfeeling, but a blog is definitely not the place to seek what amounts to therapy. And this situation is way beyond ‘seeking kind words of solace’ as a soothing balm.
IMHO, ONLY therapy with a professional will do anything of an matter.
While blogs are great for sharing thoughts and communing and finding like souls, there are still what I believe are boundaries and certainly limits to what’s possible.
Find some real help from someone who could really help. 🙂