Like Lazarus, this personal blog periodically comes back to life. This time in the midst of major world crises — war and death, planetary destruction, political insanity.
I am feeling lost in the middle of all of this — tired, unconnected, useless. The tiredness is overwhelming. Nothing inspires me. So I sit down to write to try to tap into that place deep within me where there must still be signs of life. It takes an effort just to do that much.
I continue to struggle with the inability to fall asleep. A combination of Abilify and Melatonin seems to have begun working. Time will tell. The Abilify was prescribed (added to my depressive meds) because last year I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, which means, while I don’t get manic, I do have periods of significant mood swings that affect my life.
But I am still tired during the day, and nothing seems to pique my interest — no crafts, no projects… I only occasionally leave the house. It doesn’t help that the magnificent maple tree outside my window is intently shedding dry brown leaves instead of turning its usual Autumn color palette. The brittle leaves are piling up in inches-thick mounds.
Notice that none of my neighbors have leaves in their yards. It must annoy them to have the breezes send some of ours onto their well-manicured lawns. My son-in-law usually mows the fallen leaves into mulch as the season progresses, but this pile-up is overwhelming. When he has time, he will figure out what to do with them.
I have plenty of time, but I can’t seem to figure out what I want to do. I check the calendar my senior center and circle programs to consider. But all I do is consider.
The one thing that keeps me going is my relationship with the man to whom Match.com accidentally sent me, even though I canceled my subscription years ago. The same age as I am, and a fellow Pisces, he amazes me with his perseverance and positive attitude. We both struggle with health issues (I had my right knee replaced last June), and we live an hour’s drive apart. So getting together can be a challenge, but we manage. And having lunch every other Friday with him and his sister is also an incentive.
I saw something on the senior center page that I am considering. They are looking for town residents to help “build an age-friendly community….help shape the future of an Age and Dementia Friendly East Longmeadow”. Well, I sure know about age and dementia, and I sure would like to become part of some community.
Meanwhile, the poor Palistinian people are being annihilated. Where is there justice in all of this? Gaza is about the size of Philadelphia; Israel in a little smaller than Massachusetts, but has a strong military. Although Israel is fighting Hamas, it is killing ordinary Palistinians who have nothing to do with Hamas. Looks like David and Goliath, and Goliath is going to win. Why isn’t neighboring Egypt offering to take Palistinian refugees, who are caught in a cage with no way out? Gaza and the innocent people in it are fodder. And America is backing Goliath. At least, why aren’t we working with Egypt to rescue the women and children of Gaza?
This is a tough situation. The Palestinians are put upon by Israel and at the same time are made the targets of Israel by Hamas, who doesn’t give two sh!ts about the Palestinians, just that the Palestinians are easy to hide behind. I like Israelis but I don’t much care for their government. That goes back to my time as a patent attorney, prosecuting patent applications in the Israeli patent office. With all the technology the US was giving them, the IPO would charge my client with fraud and other bad things, with absolutely no proof.
What helps me cope with seeing the world apparently tearing itself asunder is the presence in my life of the beautiful woman who authors this blog. She provides a respite and sanctuary from the evil that is out there.
Aw, shucks.
I agree with a complicated world situation. Look up Barack Obama’s piece on it…Or I will send it to you. Palestinians deserve a free state. (Tho 60% voted to have Hamaz as their ruling clan, so….)
Jews have a right to live w/o terrorists targeting their civilians, burning babies (yes confirmed), gutting pregnant woman, killing their unborn and then shooting them in the head (yes confirmed), burning families alive when they cannot reach them in locked rooms in their homes (yes confirmed) BY THE THOUSANDS. Hamas did not attack the Israeli leaders/govt. They targeted civilians only with detailed plans on how to kill them, what video to take and how to grab hostages focusing on children and elders…
War freaking sucks and Gaza is so small and Hamas hides under schools, hospitals and mosques CUZ THEY ARE TERRORISTS. Israel is trying their best to minimize, but they have a right to protect themselves. I have jewish friends – who have friends and family in Israel — there is not one person who does not either have a friend/family who was killed or taken, or who knows someone who has. Not. One. Person.
This sucks for both sides. But Palestine is not w/o culpability and Israel should not be expected to sit back as rockets fall and their citizens are murdered.