Reunited

It was 1957, and I was on my way to college because
1. I wanted to get away from home.
2. I wanted to avoid adult responsibilities as long as possible.
3. I wanted some new fun experiences.
4. I wanted to learn about the world and myself.
5. I eventually needed to work and teaching seemed like a good idea.

Actually, it was all a good idea and I did get all of the things I wanted. I also got into a sorority — which was not something I ever even thought about. It just seemed like another one of those good ideas.

Actually, it was a good idea, and those “girls” became my good friends. We lived together both in the sorority house and in apartments. We TGIF-ed together, drank together, cried together over boyfriends gained and lost. We wore bermuda shorts and maroon and grey sweatshirts. Not only did I go through one of those traditional “hell nights,” but I and my best friend/roommate wound up being “Hell Captains” the next year.

I’m sure that I remember things about them that they’ve long forgotten. I wonder if my housemates still remember how, once a week, they would gather up all of the clothes I left around our room, bundle them in my quilt, and throw it all in the closet — forcing me to do the picking up I never bothered to do until I had nothing clean to wear. There were four of is in that room in the sorority house. I’ve seen two of them several times since we all graduated; the fourth I haven’t seen since she graduated, a year ahead of me.

More than forty years have gone by, and we’ve all moved away, moved on.
Tomorrow night, fifteen of us will be together again. Most of us haven’t seen each other in all that time, and we wouldn’t even be getting together now if it weren’t for the persistence of one of us who lives in Massachusetts. She’s another one I haven’t seen in forty years.

I can’t help wonder if we’ll even recognize each other. We’re going to meet by the hotel bar. Fifteen women in their 60s singing “Beta Zeta hats off to thee…”
I’m definitely bringing my camera. Who knows if we’ll ever do this again.

The Crone Evolution.

2grandmas2.jpg
These are my two grandmothers in the mid-1940s, when they were a few years younger than I am now.

That’s my mother’s mother on the left — the small, straight-backed, serious woman — the one who saved my life with her Old World medicine magic (see poem below).

My father’s mother is bigger, softer-looking, but was no less strong. She remembered growing up in Sklody, Poland, admiring her third cousin, who became the famous Madame Marie Curie. Strong women, all.

But how old they look to me now, even though, today, I am older than they are in that photo. Life was hard for them — very serious business, with five kids each and hard-working blue-collared husbands. They cooked well, cleaned well, and passed along to me their matriarchal genes — the blessings and curse of my crone heritage.

On this day of memory, I remember my grandmothers.

HEART OF ROM
Cyganka! My grandmother shouted
as I bounded off the front stoop
onto the wet city street,
propelled by the promise of stolen kisses
and the musky taste of Tangee
still slick on my lips.

Gypsy! Even the word
brought blood rushing
to the pit of my stomach.
How I wished for the wild hair,
dark eyes, skin like old copper,
for the freedom to gleam
like crystal when I walk,
for a wisdom ancient as the land,
as the sweep of continents,
the shriek of willful wind
through openings in stones.

Cyganka! She hurled it
like an epithet,
but I role it like a broom
over landscapes grown deaf to her fears.

She named me true, my Polish grandmother
— a small strong-handed woman
with gypsy fire in her voice
and a back turned straight
against truths too bold to hold.

Yet, they tell me once,
as I lay young and dying
lungs rattling with rifts of air,
fever lighting my face to flame,
(the doctor came and went,
scowling at the earth) —
in the draped and stifling room,
she unfolded her family secrets:
holy candles, crystal cups,
vials of spirits, leeches, as
my mother watched from shadow,
willing demons away with her eyes.

They tell me when the priest arrived,
surprised to find the child alive,
he never commended on the faint red circles
following the tender length of spine,
or the sprinkling of blood marks
along the back, like the bites
of mythic bats or the denounced
touches of wizened old wives.

And so I keep signs
of these grandmothers, still
–in fragrant herbs sprinkled in tea,
in shells and stones arranged on shelves,
in faint red circles, drawn in firelight.

Cyganka! I call to my daughter,
offering gifts of crystals
that fire the sky
where she walks.
(copyright EF 1980)

The Sensuous Male

He’s on my mind today both because last night was Salsa dancing at Club Matrixx and because there are some current posts on Blog Sisters complaining about having to deal with men ogling them and making ridiculous noises and gestures.

I think that many men are confused about the differences between sexist and sexy. In my opinion, many men don’t have clue about “sensuality,” especially their own. In my opinion, the guys who stand around and ogle women are completely out of touch with their own sensuality.

Contrast that with the guys out dancing Salsa last night. I don’t know any of their names yet; I’ve only been there several times so far, and I go there to dance, not talk. And I do dance — and the Salsa is a sensuous dance.

One short, paunchy, thinly gray-haired guy, always dressed, in a suit is the best dancer there. He feels the music; every move reflects the intention of every beat. He leads gently but assuredly, holds me firmly, close but not suffacatingly so; he watches and makes sure we keep in touch. He is short, paunchy, thinly gray-haired and marvelously sensual. He loves to dance. He likes women. He doesn’t ogle. He’s having too much fun. He stops me on my way out to say goodnight. I ask him to save me a few dances next week. You bet, he says.

Another, a young guy, glasses, nice looking, serious, shy, dressed down. His movements are smaller scaled but just as sensual. When we get into a groove, the patterns flowing as though we had choreographed them, his face breaks into a wide smile. His eyes twinkle. We are one with the music and the sensuality of the dance. He is in the moment. He doesn’t ogle. He’s having too much fun.

I’m 62 years old and past the age at which I get ogled by guys out of touch with their own sensuality. Boy, do those guys need to learn to Salsa.

Mother Load

“I sent you to college. You’re a teacher. You should be perfect.”

That’s what she said to me yesterday, my mother.

I don’t even remember what it was I did this time that didn’t meet with her approval. Not that it matters. I’ve spent my entire life repelling her disapprovals. But it does burn my butt that she still doesn’t get it.

Over on her weblog, Jeneane Sessum shares her current struggles to get beyond the load her mother laid on her. Mother-daughter stuff. Tough stuff.

I think I managed to do the mothering thing less destructively than my mother, although I certainly didn’t do it perfectly. Of course not.